In May 2008, after many years of infertility treatment, a couple — the husband an athlete with a mobility disability — had their first lovely baby daughter.

The “late-blooming” happiness of a man with a disability

Do Dai Duong (Long Bien, Hanoi), a man with a mobility disability, never thought he would have a happy home with a woman and bright, healthy children.

An accident when he was 18 severed his spinal cord and paralysed both his legs, and it was only with scientific help, after ten years of marriage, that he had two lovely daughters.

Gently wheeling his wheelchair from the lift specially installed in his home into the living room to greet us, Duong smiled his familiar smile, the same smile I had seen when he stepped onto the top podium at table tennis competitions for people with disabilities.

Talking about the days gone by, Duong no longer shows any trace of self-doubt or inferiority. On the contrary, he is always cheerful.

The happy family of Duong and Luong on their 10th wedding anniversary.

In 1988, Do Dai Duong, then only 18 years old, was one of two people selected for a four-year pilot training course in the Soviet Union.

While waiting to go and study, he had an accident at a friend's wedding. With a severed spinal cord and a 95% disability, he had to bury all his dreams and ambitions within four walls and live with a wheelchair for the rest of his life. He hardly ever left the house and did not want to meet or befriend anyone.

“At that time, the doctors and my family thought I would hardly survive. But I miraculously survived. After going through many hospitals, I only learned that I would never walk again from conversations among the doctors at Viet Duc Hospital, because everyone was keeping it from me at the time. Many times I thought I was living like a shadow,” Duong said sadly.

When he had the accident and became a person with a disability, Duong never thought any girl would agree to marry him.

Once a young man 1.8 metres tall and weighing nearly 70 kg, after five years in hospital Duong had become a mere bag of bones.

During that time, the person who encouraged him most was his mother. Seeing his mother weep quietly, or catching sight of the wrinkles around her eyes and the grey hairs in her hair whenever he looked up at her, filled him with sorrow and made him promise himself to overcome his feelings of inferiority.

He also could not accept that, still a young man, he had to sit in one place. Duong went to the Hanoi Sports Club for People with Disabilities and took up weightlifting, badminton, table tennis and other sports…

Sport and the empathy of his friends helped him recover his spirits and some of his health, and to manage his personal care by himself without help from his family. Every day, he drove his three-wheeled motorbike to the club to train, as a habit he could not give up.

Unable to fulfil his dream of becoming a pilot, Duong instead travelled from the south to the north and even abroad for sports competitions for people with disabilities, to prove that he was “disabled but not incapable”. The gold, silver and bronze medals hanging proudly beside the family photo are the clearest proof of that.

Fated encounters

When asked about his love for the woman sitting beside him, looking at him with affectionate eyes, Duong squinted and smiled.

He said that because of his disability, he had not planned to marry, as he did not want to become a burden on anyone. But fate brought him together with a girl 13 years his junior, from Ha Nam, who is now the mother of his two children. Her name is Luong.

“This fated encounter also came about through an introduction. From the time we met until we moved in together, it was more than three years.

In those days, Luong came from her home town to Hanoi to learn tailoring and stayed at her uncle's house. She often came to visit, helped me and encouraged me. Ignoring the gossip and my advice, Luong was still determined to come to a man who would spend his life in a wheelchair.

Even though she saw with her own eyes, for two months before the 2003 Para Games, the living and training conditions of athletes with disabilities like me, she still did not give up her determination,” Duong said.

His wedding in 2004 to the girl 13 years his junior gave him much more motivation to live.

Their wedding was held in 2004, when he turned 36. Many years passed, but they still had no good news. They went to many hospitals for check-ups, and the doctors concluded that his severed spinal cord and paralysed pelvic floor made it very difficult for him to have children. At those times, people saw how sad they were, but they encouraged each other to get through this difficult period together.

“Whenever we heard of somewhere that could treat infertility, we went there, combining Eastern and Western medicine, but with no result,” Duong recalled.

Finally, the couple turned to in vitro fertilisation after meeting Dr. Le Vuong Van Ve, director of the Hanoi Andrology and Infertility Hospital.

“Techniques were not as advanced then as they are now. The first time we met Dr. Ve, my wife and I only received a promise: “There is nothing we can do yet, but we will help you have a child.” Hearing that promise, I dared not place the slightest hope in it. I just thought the doctor was comforting me,” Duong said.

Then, a year later, Dr. Ve unexpectedly contacted Duong and asked him to come back for examination and infertility treatment. Using his professional expertise, Dr. Ve found and selected good sperm and performed in vitro fertilisation for Duong and his wife.

Luong brushing her elder daughter's hair. For the couple, watching their children play happily every day makes all the tiredness of life disappear.

He was the first patient in Dr. Le Vuong Van Ve's research on infertility in people with paraplegia. However, it was only on the second attempt that it worked, by which time Duong was 40 years old.

“At first, I did not dare to hope for much. So when we received the news that the fertilisation had succeeded and my wife was pregnant, happiness truly overflowed in both our hearts and in both our families,” Duong's eyes shone with happiness, just as they had when he learned he was about to become a father.

On his three-wheeled motorbike, he took her to her regular antenatal check-ups and anxiously counted the days until their child was born.

In May 2008, Luong gave birth to a lovely baby girl. In 2011, wanting another child, the couple returned to the hospital for in vitro fertilisation once more, even though they knew it would be very expensive. The birth of their second daughter completed the family's happiness.

Seeing the look of happiness he always gives his wife and children, we understood that within him there is always a longing to care for and protect this small family.
“Watching the children run and play makes all the tiredness disappear. There are still many difficulties ahead, but we will try our best so that our children enjoy the best things,” Duong shared with us as he closed the album holding so many family memories.

Nguyen Hue