The wife carries her husband to the tea stall at the head of the village so he can chat happily with his friends. On the way, they whisper all kinds of things to each other and from time to time laugh together affectionately. No one would think they are over 50 and that for 15 years now, every year, he has had to have a part of his body cut away.
Almost 20 years after the physical and mental pain, “the man who has lost his limbs” Ngo Van Phuc, in Cau Quan Village, Tan Dan Commune, Chi Linh, Hai Duong, is still mentioned by people far and near for his extraordinary will to live and a family life that is “warm inside and peaceful outside”. Life is still full of difficulties, but the small house of the couple with disabilities is always full of happiness and the laughter of children.
The happy smile when guests visit the home of Mr and Mrs Phuc.
A happy wedding and the adversities of life
Ask in Cau Quan Village for the house of Mr Ngo Van Phuc and everyone knows it. Mr Nguyen Xuan Truong (52 years old) said with emotion: “When people mention Mr and Mrs Phuc, everyone feels sorry for them. There is hardly another couple like them; from the time they married until now, so many upheavals have happened, the husband has lost all his arms and legs, he cannot even crawl or drag himself along. Yet his wife is willing to be “the husband’s legs” – a couple with extraordinary determination”.
Mrs Men is carrying Mr Phuc back from the tea stall beside the house. The couple are both over 50 this year, and their possessions amount to a simple charity house (donated by the district Women’s Union), but it is always full of love. To many people it may be worth little, but to Mr and Mrs Phuc it is a miracle of life that they had dreamed of having.
Sitting in the wheelchair given by fellow villagers, Mr Phuc sadly told of his bitter life: “When I was born I was normal like everyone else. I grew up, married, had children and worked as an ordinary builder. Just when our poor family seemed to have a glimmer of hope of escaping hardship, I developed arterial occlusion leading to necrosis, almost 20 years ago now, and every year I have had to have a part of my body cut away”.
In the wheelchair he was given, Mr Phuc still has many worries about his family.
The devotion of husband and wife
He developed the cruel necrosis in 1996, it progressed rapidly in 2000, and from then on, on average every year he has had to “part with” a part of his body to stay alive.
Mrs Men recalls with emotion the difficult times.
Mrs Men – the wife who has stood by Mr Phuc for 30 years without ever once enjoying the comfort other couples have. Marrying him, she spent the first 10 years working tirelessly to make a living, and the next 20 years as wife, friend and mother to the man who has lost his limbs. Mrs Men said with emotion: “The first time I saw my husband have his leg cut off, I was so frightened because I had never seen anything like it. When the doctor called, I looked at my husband with his arms and legs cut short. I had to run outside and calm myself for 10 minutes before going back in, and my arms and legs were still trembling”. In the years after, once a year it was an arm or a leg. Now, after more than a dozen painful operations, Mr Phuc’s legs are less than 10 cm long, and his hands are no longer intact either, with only the thumb and index finger of his right hand remaining.
The aching pain “tears at” him every night: “Many nights the pain was too much to bear, and I crawled out to my father’s grave at the head of the house and cried out: Father, I am in so much pain. Father, take me with you!”. Each time, Mrs Men ran out and burst into tears seeing her husband embracing the grave, helpless, and the small woman encouraged him and carried him back home. On nights when the wind changes he aches all over, and he crawls out again to where his father rests and cries out. Helpless, he only wants to die so his wife and children will suffer less.
Mr Phuc has now had almost everything amputated and cannot look after himself.
Looking back, Mr Phuc shared that over the past 20 years the hospital has been “home”. Every year the couple carry each other to have “flesh cut away” once. Mrs Men carries him from one room to another to complete the procedures, paying no attention to unkind gossip or malicious words from some people. She still cares for him with all her heart, which makes many people admire the tiny woman. Mr Phuc said with emotion: “In 30 years, there have been many times when I have felt so sorry for my wife: walking, bathing, eating, drinking and daily life all need her care. Now I am no different from a child”.
Mrs Men’s tears have fallen throughout 30 years.
Mrs Men recalled: “When Mr Phuc went to hospital, we sold everything we had in the house. Each hospital stay for treatment lasted about 4–5 months, and I was always the only one who went with him. Many times, in hospital, I asked for his leg to be cut off, but the doctor advised against cutting any more because it would affect Mr Phuc’s health. Seeing my husband in pain, I kept waiting for the doctor to persuade him: Doctor, please let my husband have his leg cut shorter, however short, so he suffers less pain. If he can sleep, I will suffer less too!”. Throughout their hospital stays, the couple lived on rice and gruel, Mrs Men said: “We only ate a 15-thousand-dong meal. Mr Phuc ate first, and I ate whatever was left”.
She has twice thought of leaving home.
A few times, discouraged by adversity, she thought of leaving everything behind to find a new life, but when she reached the village gate she could not bear to leave her young child and her husband who had lost his limbs. The word “devotion” still weighed on her thin shoulders, and she returned to the old, dilapidated house. Mrs Men said: “On my own, life would be easy. But thinking of my small child and my husband who can do nothing, and the whole family slowly wasting away together, I could not hold back and turned back. Partly, too, I live so my children can look to us as an example for their own marriages. Their father has lost his limbs like that, yet their parents are still happy and full of love”.
A precious possession and an uncertain future
For them, life ahead is still long and full of thorns, but each day seeing their children grow up, Mr Phuc in good health, and their grandson running about chattering, earning a living by their own strength, is a joy, a simple happiness in life.
The joy of life is being with their only grandson.
Yet hardship still clings to Mr Phuc’s family, as their only grandson, Ngo Quang Huy (1 year old), has congenital heart disease and has just undergone his first operation not long ago. Three generations have not yet escaped misfortune, and Mrs Men can only hold the lovely sleeping baby boy and cry: “Now the only wish my husband and I have is for our grandson to recover”. According to the doctor, baby Huy will have to undergo one or two more heart operations before he is cured. Tormented by worry for their little grandson, the couple pray day and night for baby Huy to “come through safely”. Mr Phuc, with the heart of someone who has been through much, said: “My small happiness is my grandson; I can endure all the “calamities”, I only need my grandson to be all right and I will be content”.
The scar from baby Huy’s first operation for congenital heart disease.
As we said goodbye to the small family, what stayed with me was the loving look of the couple who have lived with illness for 20 years and the hearty laughter and babbling of baby Huy, with joy clear on the kind faces of the couple with disabilities. I suddenly realised that life itself is the picture that paints the most beautiful and humane fairy tales, like the family of Mr Phuc and Mrs Tam.
Mrs Men holds her grandchild in her arms while carrying her husband on her back.
The life of “carrying her husband, cradling her grandchild” on Mrs Men’s small shoulders.
All day Mrs Men only stays close to Mr Phuc looking after him; the couple’s life is very difficult.
Mr Phuc’s health is now starting to stabilise, but now it is their grandchild who has congenital heart disease.
And he does not know when he will next go to have “flesh cut away”.
PHUONG MAI
Source: http://www.doisongphapluat.com/